Our teens are in their most vulnerable time regarding their self-esteem and self-worth.
Did you know that every, and I mean every teen, has this going through their heads:
I’m stupid!
I say dumb things.
I don’t know how to talk to others.
I’m not smart enough (says the A student).
I don’t want to say anything because I might say something stupid, and they might not be my friend anymore (says one with many friends).
What I’m wearing is ugly (says the most fashionable teen).
I’m afraid to ask for help because they (teachers) might think I’m stupid.
I look ugly (don’t be deceived by their social media compliments or if they say they are pretty, dress nice, have cool friends (not the right term to us, but my generation says “cool”)
YES! Stupid is frequently used!
And YES! I don’t like feeling this way about myself! Sometimes I wonder if it was better if I didn’t exist!

In their heads exists darkness they cannot control. It’s because developmentally, their brains are not formed to think in the capacity as an adult does. That’s is why they call it social-emotional regulation. They cannot regulate their emotions if they don’t know how to.
Look it up… prefrontal cortex development.
I’ve seen so many adolescent and teen clients, have or personally know teens, and all have kept this dark secret of negative self-worth.
It is not a social media trend; it’s not this and that but the fact that their brains are in a stage of development that asks them to comprehend an already complicated world.

Please do not think they are okay just because your teen seems fine or doesn’t need anyone to talk to. They need to be stabilized and taught basic skills to help alter their negative thoughts. They need a little push and a little encouragement, and no matter what you do as parents to support them, (in their eyes) it’s not enough .

We should squash cultural or societal stereotypes about therapy. Everyone needs a non-judging, non-biased point of view.
Mental health problems do not just go away like a cold.
Mental health problems are different than disorders:
Social anxiety, school anxiety, worries, isolation, extreme sadness, depression, perfectionism.
It doesn’t mean they are going crazy! What it means is… I need help, and I don’t know how to.
Now- added ingredients such as divorce, high conflict homes, death of a loved one (including pets), complex trauma experiences,  COVID adjustment and readjustment, and adjustment yet again!
These extra factors make it even harder for them to cope or emotionally manage!
Oh! To add to their stress, they have to go to school, finish all those assignments, do math in a funky new way, and the DREADED P.E. class!

If all the teens think that way, what makes you think they trust anyone with how they’re feeling. They don’t know how and why they feel that way.
Just as we hid stuff from our parents, lied to grownups or counselors at school, and pretended everything was fine, they will too.

Our kids struggle, don’t ignore their plea for help even if it was just a one-time ask. Never stop trying to get an appointment and think that they are better because they seem “fine”.
Seek the help of a professional therapist.
School counselors at school are not enough. Therapists have different roles and approach things differently. It’s not the same! School counselors are the support they need while the more focused support is being sought (there is a huge waitlist for available therapists that focuses on adolescent/ teen mental health).

That’s my therapist rant.
Please don’t leave negative comments or mind my grammar (grammar police and red penners). At times, I will make up my own words, but I don’t care. It makes the message interesting. You are doing a disservice if you were to “dis” on small things such as that?!

One other thing, my PSA: if you are considering medication (as a last resort), please work with a psychiatrist.

Just in case you missed my bio! I am a trained therapist, work with children and families in one way and have my kids!
So make that appointment with a therapist for your kid. Even one visit with a good therapist will make a difference!!